Tag: Action
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Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Review – Cinema on speed
In 2008 two films came out, big important films by established visionaries given a lot of money to tackle popular, established licences. Both were positioned to take the reins, be cinema’s shining light, dictate the course of filmmaking for the next ten years. One of them did.
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Dunkirk Review – One for all
Seems like Chris Nolan been listening to his critics. They say he struggles to build compelling and emotionally nuanced characters, he goes and creates a film without any. They say that his plots are tightly wound but don’t hold up under scrutiny, Dunkirk is virtually plotless. They say he mixes dialogue waaaaaaaaay too fucking low in the edit and he makes a whole film where his approach actually make sense. If it weren’t for the fact that this a full on onslaught of an action film it’d probably be unrecognisable.
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War for the Planet of the Apes Review – I mean, kinda.
There ain’t no reason why these fucking chimp movies gotta be so goddamn good. Like this one starts with an on screen text introduction summarising the last two films in the series because even the creators know that they don’t got an A-list property on their hands, they can’t trust their audience to have even seen them all. They wouldn’t be all that expensive but the sheer commitment to the ape bit means that almost all the main characters have to be created with the assistance of some of the most technically accomplished mocap-blend character animation work we got going on nowadays. I don’t know no one who was getting pumped for the next Planet of the Apes feature.
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Okja Review – Inside for kids
Okja! Okja! People shout that name a lot through the movie. It’s the name of this giant adorable hippo looking animal that everyone seem so jazzed about. The Mirando Corporation, headed by Tilda Swinton’s Lucy (again playing the sorta faintly comic caricature of evil that Bong Joon-ho loves her as), calls the species the superpig […]
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Baby Driver Review – All mixed up
I’ve started the Baby Driver soundtrack, spotify says it’s one hour 45 minutes long. The film clocks in at a tight one hour 43, including credits. I’ll allow you to feel however you’d like about that.
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The Mummy Review – Pan, pan, pan
Time to add Alex Kurtzman to our list of babyman directors. The director of The Mummy has only a single other directing credit to his name, the sorta forgettable family drama People Like Us. Course you’d give him control of the $125 million Tom Cruise action tentpole joint that’s also supposed to be the launching […]
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Pirate of the Caribbean: Salazar’s Revenge Review – I’m human garbage
Okay, sure, Dead Man’s Chest is a incoherently structured trashpile and At World’s End is an overlong, overstuffed mess and with On Stranger Tides they realised far too late that Depp’s Jack Sparrow can’t carry a film on his own. But despite all that, despite all the self-indulgence and self-importance threatening to overwhelm it, there’s a core to these films which I can’t escape.
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Baywatch Review – Needs more gay
here’s two dick jokes in Baywatch. Well, I mean there’s more than two dick jokes in Baywatch, come on, but there are two major setpiece dick jokes. That’s the level we’re working on here.
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Wonder Woman Review – Don’t let the dicks get you down
There probably exists a time in the future when there’ll be a critical reappraisal of Wonder Woman. People will be asking, ‘Was that it? People got so excited over that?’ There’ll probably be some sort of vindication for all the shitty complainy men who so frequently whine over this sort of thing. We’ll forget that there’s power to be had in coming first.
A Grand Quiet 