Category: Review
-
The Shape of Water Review – Merman fantasy
Do you wanna fuck the fish man? Cos I lowkey wanna fuck the fish man. It’s surprising I guess, when I was seeing trailers for The Shape of Water you didn’t see much of the wet dude and I figured they’d make him sexier. Y’all know, help the audience buy into your scaly romance feature…
-
Black Panther Review – More Marvel movie
I think I habitually overrate Marvel movies. I mean, I’m pretty sincere when I consider them just about the most important contemporary releases. A decade seems to have been the right amount of time for these movies to mutate, a hybrid combination of pap and prestige. They are the most honest reflection of our culture…
-
Fifty Shades Freed Review – Unethical consumption
After a teaser at the end of Darker last year which contained a whole lotta wedding footage I expected we’d at least be getting some wedding drama. I mean, whole plot points of that film revolve around two of Christian’s exes each with different scores to settle. I thought there’d at least be someone standing…
-
Den of Thieves Review – Toxic is too kind a word
Den of Thieves has all the makings of a fun cops and robbers, cat and mouse heist film. A scrappy bunch of ne’er do wells with an elaborate plot to jack the United States Federal Reserve. The bunch of hard working dicks dedicated to tracking them down. Sure it might end on a totally bone-headed…
-
Maze Runner: The Death Cure Review – What does it take to collapse
I didn’t see either of the other two Maze Runner films. That’s my own fault, the due diligence that I never bothered to perform. I was ready to go into the film ready to dismiss it, not in an asshole way, just a piece of YA-pop-trash arriving a couple of years after its time.
-
Early Man Review – Tribal attitude
See, I have friends who didn’t like Early Man because it’s all about football. I get it, the early ad campaigns sorta downplayed that aspect, but coming up on release the signs were definitely there.
-
Downsizing Review – Small blunders
I have no idea who could have read the screenplay to Downsizing and thought it would be okay.
-
The Post Review – StreepHanksThePost
The story of The Post is that Spielberg first read the script under a year ago. While working postproduction on Ready Player One he somehow got permission from Warner to go make the thing.
-
The Commuter Review – Uncut Neeson
Now, the film is straight-up, legit goofball nonsense. Neeson plays a man who has rode the same train every day for ten years and on the day he’s laid off from work a mysterious woman boards with him and offers him $100,000 to identify and track a mystery passenger. Just from the premise it feels…
A Grand Quiet 