Tag: One Star
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Some Cold Takes – Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul is bad, broken, frustrating and pretty much written off as a lost cause by everyone involved.
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The Mummy Review – Pan, pan, pan
Time to add Alex Kurtzman to our list of babyman directors. The director of The Mummy has only a single other directing credit to his name, the sorta forgettable family drama People Like Us. Course you’d give him control of the $125 million Tom Cruise action tentpole joint that’s also supposed to be the launching…
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Berlin Syndrome Review – Dank, and not in a good way
Berlin Syndrome is a 110 minute movie. If you’d asked me how long I’d been in the cinema right after it ended I’d have said about two and a half hours. It’s not a particularly slowly paced movie, it’s just unbearable.
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Baywatch Review – Needs more gay
here’s two dick jokes in Baywatch. Well, I mean there’s more than two dick jokes in Baywatch, come on, but there are two major setpiece dick jokes. That’s the level we’re working on here.
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King Arthur: Legend of the Sword – Nah mate
The American reviews for King Arthur: Legend of the Sword came out last week. I try to aviod such things but the negative buzz was pretty overwhelming. ‘It can’t be that bad,’ I thought, ‘it’s a Guy Ritchie film. I like Guy Ritchie films.’
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Unlocked: Anodyne spy action
There seems something vaguely inappropriate about Orlando Bloom saying, in one of the worst Jason Statham impressions of recent time, that one of his ‘mates’ died in the 7/7 attacks. At least his attempt is entertaining, so little else in the film is.
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A Dog’s Purpose: It’s a pup
‘I feel mislead by the advertising of A Dog’s Purpose’, is a stupid statement by a stupid person. It’s also my feeling. Like, it’s supposed to be about this dog being reincarnated in order to figure out what their life’s purpose is. There’s a whole bunch of posters with extreme close ups of loads of…
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The Sense of an Ending: This fucking guy
I’m sure The Sense of an Ending is a very accomplished film. It looks pretty and has a bunch of good performances. Jim Broadbent, looking more Jeremy Corbyn than ever, is more than believable in his role, a creaking aging man wiling away his retirement in a specialist camera shop which keeps its Yale lock…
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Some Cold Takes: The Lost City of Z and Ghost in the Shell
The Lost City of Z Patriarchy’s one hell of a drug innit? Percy Fawcett can just go off to Bolivia, searching for his lost city, neglecting his wife and children who carry on in England without him. Whiteness is toxic. He tries to disrupt paternalistic eurocentrism by searching for civilisation in Southern America, yet neglects…
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Smurfs: The Lost Village – Some sexist narratives ain’t worth reclaiming
I learned after watching that Smurfs: The Lost Village is unrelated to those other recent Smurfs movies. I just figured it was a sequel. It feels so much like a sequel. Maybe you really need to be aware of The Smurfs as a cultural product to get the full buy in here, the film don’t…
A Grand Quiet 