Tag: One Star
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Fifty Shades Freed Review – Unethical consumption
After a teaser at the end of Darker last year which contained a whole lotta wedding footage I expected we’d at least be getting some wedding drama. I mean, whole plot points of that film revolve around two of Christian’s exes each with different scores to settle. I thought there’d at least be someone standing…
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Pitch Perfect 3 Review – Trip on the victory lap
This might properly hit harder for me if I had seen the other two movies. I don’t even know if acapella was even in in 2011. It must have been probably, these movies made bank.
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Daddy’s Home 2 Review – Shitty dude, shitty movie
Daddy’s Home 2 wants to be a charming inoffensive family Christmas movie. Now, when you’re judging this kinda thing you wanna take intent into account. You wanna hope that the filmmakers know what they be doing, that whatever happened they were just trying to make the best film that they possibly could. The mistakes that…
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American Made Review – More like crapitalism
I am so fucking done with this type of film. Wahay, look at the excesses of American capitalism, aren’t they awesome? Look at this fucking white-ass guy with his amazing life, and his big house, and his much younger wife. He is so much better, more capable, more successful than you. Who cares if he’s…
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The Dark Tower Review – Long live the King
I’m not sure what happened. I’m sure everyone’s mostly blameless. If I screwed up my job this bad I’d be fired.
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England is Mine Review – If it is then I want out
Here’s a Morrissey story for you. Admittedly quite a famous one. When he was publishing his autobiography, titled Autobiography, a few years ago it was delayed due to his demand that they release it under their Classics imprint. Yeah, sure Morrissey, in one hundred years people are gonna wonder what the tempestuous life of The…
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The Emoji Movie Review – Horrible hideous trash
I’ve been struggling to start my review of The Emoji Movie. It’s bad. It’s reeeaaaal bad. It’s so fucking bad. And I think that would probably be the cool way to approach it. You shouldn’t watch the The Emoji Movie because it’s shit. It’s a bad story, incredibly poorly told. It features some of the…
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47 Meters Down Review – It’s spelled metre guys
Johannes Roberts and Ernest Riera are men. You can tell this by their names. And also by the dialogue they give their two leads in this film. Whatever tension and thrills could have been generated by the later sequences, which I am excited to describe with such glowing terms as ‘capable’ and ‘functional’, are thoroughly…
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The Book of Henry Review – Ohmygod
Colin Trevorrow is one of the more uniquely incompetent filmmakers working the scene at the moment. Taking a break between the stresses of his major franchise work he decides to unleash a smaller, more personal film onto the world, the sorta joint where unconcerned by high budgets and pushy producers he can let a little…
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Slack Bay Review – Eat the rich
Slack Bay is a charming and largely inoffensive class conscious French period comedy that very much goes about its own way for the majority of its running time before making some incredibly poor decisions and collapsing under the weight of its own awfulness.
A Grand Quiet 