Usually when you’re watching a film that ain’t great you can get a sense of what it came from. It feels like even if everything is tugging the celluloid in the wrong direction, at least it knows where it’s going.
If there were any kids’ movie which may as well have a big sign painted on the front that said essentially ‘NO GIRLS ALLOWED’ it would be this one. Like, there’s one woman in the movie, an adult not one of the kids, and even then she’s treated solely as this disposable love interest type character for another male character to pick up. I mean, I read the books, was probably getting too old for them long before I stopped, I don’t remember that there be any girls of note in them, but seriously, could nothing be done? It ain’t just like all the primaries are dudes, there ain’t a single girl in the film who the credits can be bothered to name.
There ain’t no reason why these fucking chimp movies gotta be so goddamn good. Like this one starts with an on screen text introduction summarising the last two films in the series because even the creators know that they don’t got an A-list property on their hands, they can’t trust their audience to have even seen them all. They wouldn’t be all that expensive but the sheer commitment to the ape bit means that almost all the main characters have to be created with the assistance of some of the most technically accomplished mocap-blend character animation work we got going on nowadays. I don’t know no one who was getting pumped for the next Planet of the Apes feature.
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul is bad, broken, frustrating and pretty much written off as a lost cause by everyone involved.
Did you enjoy Alien? You know how Aliens took the approach of completely recontexualising the familiar iconography through the perspective of a different genre lens? What originally was a tension horror joint reinterpreted as military action, the very image of the xenomorph itself taking a completely different meaning through its multiplication. Difference of ten years… Continue reading Alien: Covenant: A clumsy remix